


Not Ideal

by penniless1



Category: One Piece
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-22
Updated: 2011-08-22
Packaged: 2017-10-22 23:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/243538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penniless1/pseuds/penniless1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: sex in a hammock is tricky, sex in a hammock on a ship is straight-up difficult, and sex in a hammock on a ship surrounded by sleeping crew mates you're desperately trying not to wake up is damn near impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Ideal

"Ok," Usopp muttered after he finally freed his mouth from one of Luffy's rubbery armpits. "Who was the fool who suggested sex in a hammock in a room with a twitchy rubber missile thrower again?"

"Look, long nose, it's not my fault you and Mr. Nosebleed can't jack each other off quietly!" Zoro grumbled loudly as he tried to escape the hanging harness made by Luffy's entwined legs.

"I'm hardly going to apologize for Usopp's and my combined sexiness being enough to turn on a sponge like yourself, Marimo," Sanji hissed as he managed to free one of his legs. "It still doesn't explain why you felt you needed to help us!"

"You two needed to hurry up so the rest of us could sleep! Why can't either of you take a blow-job quietly like a real man?"

"Don't talk to me about real men! Take that! You're one hundred years too young to talk to me about what real men do!"

"Ma, ma, stop it you idiots! We can't afford to wake up Chopper too!" Usopp hissed as he finally dropped free of his clingy, dozing captain, three hammocks and the sparring couple over his head. With a quick, low, popping sound, a large, silent, drooling Venus Fly trap appeared and began gnawing on the canvas bedding that still held Zoro and Sanji suspended in mid-air.

The noise levels declined precipitously as three pairs of eyes and one eyeless plant turn to regard the reindeer wrapped comfortably around Luffy's head. While Luffy's arms and legs had a bad tendency to shoot off at random due to any provocation, the last time Chopper had been surprised awake, he'd immediately gone into Walk Point and charged. Antlers in buttocks were...unpleasant.

Zoro and Sanji shuddered while the plant finished setting them free to thump not-so-softly onto the bedroom floor. Chopper snorted and rolled over, leaning dangerously close to the edge of the tangled mass of hammocks and bedding.

Usopp whimpered as he opened the door as quietly as possible, urging the other two out with impatient waves of his hand. Chopper inhaled deeply, a single piece of straw from Luffy's hat catching in his nose.

"Shit!" the sniper moaned, "Run for it!"

Usopp barely got the door closed before Chopper could charge. Luffy subsequently fell out of the bed with a loud shout and a pair of fists shooting through the bedroom wall.

[***]

"In conclusion," Nami growled as the dawn light made her squint, "There will be **no** sex in **any** hammocks **anywhere** on this ship because if Franky has to repair the damage using **my** money one more time..."


End file.
